There has been a lot on my mind lately.
I have been struggling with a few issues at hand that has to involve relationships.
I haven’t been in a relationship ever unless you want to count like a week in 7th grade while I was at Space camp. Yes. Space camp. Can we move on?
I’m gonna come right out and say it. I feel like we’re good enough friends and I’ve stopped caring for a while now. If you view me differently then fine, you go ahead and view me differently. I’m not completely straight. I’m bi. I like both boys and girls. If you call me greedy, I’ll cut you. I’m really tired of people being like “You greedy bitch. You just want all of them.” No I don’t WANT all of them. That’s too much to handle and I don’t have the time. I just happen to be capable of harboring feelings for both boys and girls. Also if you tell me that I just need to decide, I’ll punch you in your throat. If I could damn well decide then I wouldn’t be going around calling myself bi. I probably would’ve “chosen” by now. So shut up. Being bi has such a weird stigma because bisexual people aren’t fully accepted in either straight or gay communities. I just tend to fall for people based on how I feel towards them despite their gender and I mean gender, not sex, because I took intro to sociology and I know the difference. YEAH LEARNING. But anyway is that concept too hard to comprehend? I really don’t see the point of coming out. I’ve come out to a few people and it just didn’t make sense. I genuinely don’t care because whether you like me or not, I cannot change the fact that I like boys and girls. If I could, I would. If I was gay, I would proudly come out as gay because it would make things a whole lot easier for me. I fully accepted the fact that it is literally impossible for me to control the people I have feelings for. Sometimes I really wish I was just gay or straight. Do you have any idea how freaking annoying and complicated it is being bi? So I suppose this is my official coming out post? I dunno. Take it as you will. Okay well technically, I’m pansexual which means that I’m attracted to people of all genders so it goes beyond the binary gender categories. But let’s go with bi so it’s easier.
ANYWAY. The reason I came out to you all is because I’m having problems. I sometimes literally believe that God has intended for me to die alone. First he makes me bi and I’m like “k thanks man” then he goes on and makes me have these standards that are higher than Kilimanjaro and of course I refuse to settle, like I physically cannot settle for people that I am not attracted to. It just feels wrong. God then apparently makes it so that NO ONE WILL FALL FOR ME. THANKS MAN. REALLY. I APPRECIATE IT. WHAT IS THE POINT OF BEING ABLE TO LIKE ALL GENDERS IF NO ONE WILL LIKE ME BACK?! YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE, GOD. I DO NOT HAVE THE DAMN TIME. It’s like God telling me to just go ahead and get 100 cats already. Except I’m allergic to cats so I’ll just be the crazy llama lady. “Hey did you see the crazy llama lady today?” “Yeah she was walking them all while riding one at the same time. Also why does she have to wear that hawaiian shirt everywhere she goes?” “I heard she taught all of them how to dance.” “BUT THERE’S LIKE 400 OF THEM!” “I KNOW. SHE’S CRAZY.” yeah, CRAZY COOL. Leave me alone and my llamas.
So I’m hoping that somewhere in this weird ass story that God is writing for me, there will be a person that will fall in love with me AND I WILL FEEL THE SAME WAY AND WE CAN GO TRAIN LLAMAS TOGETHER AND START A TRAVELING LLAMA CIRCUS. It’ll be so romantic. The next Notebook. Romeo and Juliet without the suicide at the end and all the complicated shit in the middle. It will be called The Llama Circus of Love. CUTE. I’d see it. Okay, I’m done talking.
But on a more serious note, I really do hope that you guys will accept me for who I am. I am still the same crazy ass blogger who writes the most random crap and loves llama circuses. I fully understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and I fully respect that. I just hope that you guys will be respectful enough of me to let me live my own life and not condemn me to the deepest depth of hell. I believe that God made me this way for a reason and I have yet to figure out the reason but I know it’s there. It’s something that I can’t change, I would know, I tried for years. Trust me. I hated myself for the longest time and refused to accept the fact but lately I’ve been more open with myself and as I slowly learn to love and accept myself, I’m okay with it. Thanks for reading, you guys. Thanks for your support and your constant love. If this fact about me does not appeal to you, then bye. I can’t do anything about it and you don’t have to read my blog. Easy. See ya never. I’m not gonna sit here and argue with you. Ask me if I have the time. The answer is no, I do not. Bye. For those of you who do not care and love me still, you all are so grand. Thank you so much. I love you too. Let’s get coffee or something. K cool.